I know a lot of people have been saying 2016 was a terrible year and it undoubtedly was. So much drama with the presidential election and quite a large number of celebrities passed. But honestly, none of those things are what made 2016 awful for me.
I woke up on the morning of June 18th prepared to go to a photography class I had signed up for. But as I was getting up my dad came in my room and delivered unbelievable news. My 16 year old cousin had taken his own life. I found out later that his brother had called my mom in the early hours of the morning in a panic. She'd left the house around 2 a.m. and had been there all night.
I've read so many stories of teenage suicide and accidental suicide, which is what the first responders believed had happened, but I never thought it would happen in my family. I guess we never really believe bad things will happen to our loved ones until they do.
I think I spent most of that day going through the motions, not knowing what to do or say. My aunt and her husband were inconsolable and I was glad my other family members were there to comfort them when I didn't know how. It's one of those days that doesn't feel real, even now.
A few months later, I received a phone call at work that my cousin's girlfriend had taken her own life the night before. I didn't know her that well but the news was heartbreaking all the same.
When I was a teenager, I never remember feeling lonely or depressed. I'm not sure what was going on in either of their lives but I wish I could go back and tell them things do get better. And I'd like to tell other teens out there that playing around with dangerous or deadly things is just that. You may accidentally take it too far.
I can remember the last time I saw my cousin. His little sister had been in a car accident the week before he passed. I had driven her and my mom home after her surgery. He came out to help get her inside and I'm not sure I even said more than hey to him.
I also looked back on a month or so before that when I had picked him up from work. We chatted on the way home about the future and things we each wanted to do or places we wanted to go. He offered me soft pretzels from the place he worked. It was one of the only times he and I ever really talked just the two of us. It means a lot more now than it did at the time. I suppose we never really appreciate moments like that as much as we should.
Later on in 2016, around August, I got a text that one of my best friends was in the hospital. She had been having abdominal pain and her husband had taken her to the emergency room. While she was there they discovered a mass they wanted to biopsy. We learned a little over a week later that it was cancer.
Over the next two months she underwent treatments. Sometimes she felt awful, not able to eat or sleep. Sometimes all she felt like doing was sleep. But there were rare moments when she felt well enough for us to visit or even to visit us.
In September, we all went to dinner at Longhorn for another friend's birthday. It was almost like normal, but we could tell she still wasn't quite herself. We then discovered the first round of treatments had not worked and the cancer had spread to more places.
In October she started another round of chemo and radiation. She was able to attend our Halloween party on the 22nd even though she had trouble even walking. She said she wanted to spend time with us. At this point, I still had hope that we would have a lot of time left. She was scheduled to have surgery to attempt to remove some of the masses in early November but the week after the party, she was admitted to the hospital.
At the first of November, we were told the doctor's have given her a few months. We visited her a couple of times a week and at first, she thought she might be able to go home. On our first couple of visits, she would laugh and cut up with us like always. We would try to take her mind off of things by drawing pictures on the nurse board or talking about crazy things we'd heard. But on our third visit, things changed.
She was barely awake and things had gotten much worse. By the fourth, we were told it was only a matter of time. I remember standing there on one of our visits, surrounded by her family, and seeing her mom just break down. I don't have kids of my own but I couldn't imagine the feeling of seeing your child in a hospital bed and not being able to do anything to help them. I felt helpless myself.
On November 11th, I got the text letting me know she was gone. I got up from my desk and went to the bathroom and just cried. The next few days we spent at the funeral home. Her mom asked us to be there with the family since we were her family too.
It's been two months now and it still doesn't feel like she's gone. It seems like just yesterday that we were sitting at my kitchen table, planning her wedding. I wish we had been able to spend more time together this past year. She once told me she considered me to be her best friend but I'm not sure I always lived up to the title.
On one of the nights we visited her at home, she said something that rings true now more than ever. Friends do not say I love you enough. I am fortunate in that I have several close friends. We've all been through a lot together. We've gone on a lot of adventures, done a lot of crazy things. A woman even told her kids not to act like us in public once. If only she knew what we were really like, she would want her kids to be just like us. I am glad we were able to have so many adventures, that we have so many memories to look back on.
Life has been tough the past 7 months but I am still hopeful for the future. I know that I am lucky. I've had a good life. I have an amazing family and incredible friends who I know would do anything for me. So even though I don't understand why bad things happen to good people, why my loved ones had to die so young, I still have faith in God and in those around me. And as long as you have faith, you can get through anything.
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